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Funny forwards and thoughts from the author

Y–A–W–N!!!


Yawn11I knew it, and it’s now proven: If I yawn when you’re talking, I am actually paying you a compliment.

BBC Reports:

The common wisdom is that people yawn because they need oxygen, but researchers at the University of Albany in New York said their experiments showed that raising or lowering oxygen and carbon dioxide levels in the blood did not produce that reaction – i mean the act of yawning. Their evidence suggested instead,that yawning actually delays sleep. They arugue that drawing in air helps cool the brain and helps it work more effectively, hence promoting awareness and attention!!!!

So the next time you are telling a story and a listener yawns there is no need to be offended they are actually paying you a compliment!!! And how in heaven’s name can you find a baby’s yawn rude…. Its by far the cutest thing on the planet!!!!

To imagine that Manju (my History teacher) made me stand for 70 minutes when all I was doing was force myself to stay attentive…. Hmph!!!!!! Get over it!!!

 
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Posted by on July 10, 2013 in Funnies

 

“Like”


like

बनाने वाले ने भी क्या खूब बनायीं है बटन “Like”

हर मर्ज़ की दावा है यह बटन “Like”

कुछ अच्छा लगे तो “Like”कोई पैदा हुआ तो  “Like”

कोई मर गया  तो “Like”

मुझे फूल मिला  तो  “Like”

मै fool बन गयी  तो “Like”

Birthday तो “Like”

Graduation Day तो “Like”

“Married” तो “Like” “Break-up” तो “Like”

कुछ  लिखो तो “Like” न लिखो तो “Like”

मै छुट्टी पर Paris गयी तो “Like”

घर पर Bore हुई तो “Like”

मैने Photo बदली तो “Like”

और उसकी जगह बन्दर की लगा दी तो “Like”

बस “Like” “Like” “Like”

हर बात अच्छी हर रात “Like”

काश ज़िन्दगी भी इतनी “Likeable” होती

हर बात पे ख़ुशी होती हर दिन बस Party होती

हर Monday, Friday होता, हर रात दिवाली होती

न मरने का ग़म होता, न जीने की ख़ुशी होती

बस ज़िन्दगी हर वक़्त Like Love SuperLike होती!!!

 
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Posted by on June 20, 2013 in Funnies

 

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Word Perfect


TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!

CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE: It’s an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either

CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

DICTIONARY: A place where divorce comes before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before

CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read!!!

SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life

YAWN: The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth

ETC: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do

COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together

EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their Mistakes

ATOM BOMB: An invention to bring an end to all inventions

PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip

OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river

OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway “SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!”

PESSIMIST: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY

MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!

FATHER: A banker provided by nature

CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught

BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later

DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by his bills!

 
 
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Posted by on September 11, 2012 in Funnies

 

Kalam… Kamaal!


I love humour… and I love playing around with words. Anything funny especially at self with perfect timing grabs my attention. I thrive on Comedy serials like Friends and Will & Grace for the oh-so-inappropriate play on words and innuendoes. Stand-up comedians like Arj Barker and Drew Carey have fascinated me with their linguistic abilities. Believe me, my pantheon of humourists is pretty respectable and after a recent e-mail I have admitted another illustrious member in its ranks – Dr Abdul Kalam. Let me relate to you what happened at a meeting in Coimbatore recently where this illustrious October Octogenarian was invited to give a speech.

He arrived two hours late, but made up for it by sprinting the last few steps leading to the podium at a pace that would have made the ten-kilometre-a-day joggers among us blush. The crowd, in its wisdom, seemed to conclude that this entertainment was compensation enough for the two hour wait and gave him a thunderous applause that as always, would have lasted for ever, had not Dr Kalam interrupted them with his singing. Yes, he apparently started singing on the stage and the audience found themselves transported into a state of ecstatic rapture over Cloud Nine and into Seventh Heaven and special planes had to be dispatched to fetch them back to earth.

In a fluid transition from poetry to prose (…and this is the punch line that made me conclude that the guy has a super sense of humour) he announced “The earth has been revolving non-stop around the sun for millions of years. Our pursuit of excellence should also be like it,” he stressed. “I am on my 76th revolution around the sun,” he said and paused dramatically for the audience’s reaction.

The audience waited with bated breath and keen anticipation. They were aware of the significance of the moment passing into history and that they were the only ones in the entire Universe privileged to listen in live to the punch line that was going to be delivered.

“This only means that I am 75 years old,” Dr Kalam completed sending the audience into a collective paroxysm of belly-aching, side-splitting, jaw-breaking, laughter…..  Wow what a legend!!!

 
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Posted by on April 20, 2012 in Funnies

 

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Pure (g)Old!!!


An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Doberman thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep shit now!”

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly,
“Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
“Whew!,” says the panther, “That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now, the old Doberman sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?,” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says …….

“Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!”

Moral of this story…

Don’t mess with the old dogs… Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bull Shit and brilliance only come with age and experience.


 
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Posted by on March 22, 2012 in Funnies

 

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The Evolved Resolve


Forget the New Year’s resolutions. Goals are for people with a lot of time on their hands – planning, setting, executing them and then spending an inordinate amount of time and energy feeling guilty about not keeping them…. Bah…. I’m going to start off the year right by doing the exact opposite – not doing stuff, instead of setting goals. Sort of like an Antithesis of a Resolution…

1. I Will Never Again Wash Dishes By Hand
I mean come on… just when I get a dishwasher people around me are laying the guilt of eco systems thick on me!!! Sorry guys but it ain’t gonna cut it… dishwasher here I come!!! I will save the ecology by maintaining a beautiful garden and having shorter showers. But leave me alone with my dishwasher!!!

2. I Will Not Take Up Hot Yoga.
I don’t even know what it is, but I’m not combining heat with uncomfortable body positions unless it involves getting me into a lounge chair on a hot summer day while holding a cold Pena Colada.

3. I Will Never Get On a Horse Again
Just because I have imagined horse riding after reading so many romantic novels, doesn’t mean I can get on one now and gallop away anywhere. The person who said, “If you fall off a horse, you have to get right back on,” obviously hasn’t fallen off a running merry-go-round and has an insurance that covers x-rays and physios that follow..

4. I Will Not Hear Kolaveri di Or Any Version Of It
This song is dead to me. It has occupied far too much of our national craze in 2011, and frankly though I started out kind of liking it so much adulation and attention is utterly undeserved. CNN has named it the most popular song across the globe in 2011… I mean really!!!! For goodness sake its hardly a melody, and to top it the lyrics could be funny a couple of times but after that its just tiring…

5. I Will Never Start A Home Project Before Thoroughly Analyzing It, Measuring At Least 5 Times, And Seeking Professional Advice.
I bought beautiful curtains on a once in a lifetime sale for my very large living and family room windows. It was readymade and I thought the size was exactly right. It looks like I’ll have to remove the entire window and replace the casing so that I can hang these curtains. Pride won’t let me stop and the sheer impossibility won’t let me go on.

6. Once I Lose The Rest of My Weight, I’m Never Putting It Back On
Dieting is torture, especially after a year of eating like a person with a tapeworm. Having to count calories is too much counting and too much pressure. I am no Math buff and figuring out the number of calories in 1/24th of a Snickers bar is honestly more trouble than actually putting on the weight eating it. I also don’t ever again want to strap a device on my arm that counts footsteps, either. Unless someone can invent a device that counts the calories burned by feeling irritated, frustrated, aggravated, annoyed and enraged, the little credit I get for walking isn’t worth it.

7. I’m Not Going To Eat While I Am On My Laptop
Honestly, you can find a year’s supply of Bhujia in my keyboard!!! Half the time I realise it only because the N doesn’t type easily or I can’t tab to the next box without the mouse!!! It may actually be the best ploy towards dieting as I would have to eat quickly before I can get back to being unproductive and on Facebook and Twitter

8. I Will Read the Manual Before I Throw It
Oooooops, I threw the manual for the bluetooth in my car and now I cannot configure my iPhone to it because I don’t know how to.

9. I Will Never Again Change My Password And Keep It A Secret
Oh dear I forget… So many passwords, so many logins and one head… And then the must haves… must have a Capital and a Number!!! Good god what a waste of effort. The simpler life gets the more complicated we seem to make it!!! I will have one e-mail account and everything can come there.

10. I Resolve Not To Resolve
I don’t have to do something because it’s the trend. To all those who want to resolve and be merry – May the force be with you. I’m going to stand by my story and Just do it… Resolutions are for your run-of-the-mill boring people… If I want to do something I will just go ahead and do it… And not just the first week of the year, any day, anywhere, anytime I want to.

 
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Posted by on January 4, 2012 in Funnies

 

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ikedictionary…..


ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that wastes hours to keep minutes.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:
A grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell – one person at a time.
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

 
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Posted by on December 26, 2011 in Funnies

 
 
Women in Bollywood

A journey through heroine-oriented cinema

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